Monday, February 22, 2010

I blame microSOFT

...for lots of things, but I've been trying to post that philosophical treatise on good vs evil for an entire month now. It's a doozy. Every time I get it close to being done, something happens like Word doesn't save the file correctly, or crashes, or my OS stops working (nevermind that its not exactly genuine).

And seriously, all those kids starving in Africa? microSOFT's fault. The Somalian Pirates? microSOFT. Terrorists in the miDDle East? microSOFT.

Long live Apple.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what's going on, or is possibly a cry for help.
Mary is: "wondering if it is all worth it"
Mark is: "thinking that was a bad idea"

"Have you talked to Mark? He's vaguebooking again. I wonder if he's back with Mary..."

Tammy is: "in line at the grocery store"
This edition of Linguistic Ju-Jitsu brought you courtesy of

And as a side note, Linguistic Ju-Jitsu is not just common street slang. It's not hip-talk or coolspeech, although hip-talk and coolspeech are themselves examples of Linguistic Ju-Jitsu. Linguistic Ju-Jitsu is wordsmashing and semantic copulation. It's the combining of words to make betterwords. It's an attempt to straighten out the English language's inexplicable desire to confuse people by having the same word mean seven different things.
Just wanted to clear that up.

Monday, February 1, 2010

"I don't care WHAT season it is!!"

It's that time of year again. The time of year where nothing is off limits. The time of year when things like your hubcaps and left shoes go missing; the time of year when things show up, like a truckload of newspaper clippings; the time of year when things just happen like stealing Charity's chocolate milk. It's prank season; it's Gangsta Season '10. And it's about time.
Gangsta Season Hall of Famers:

Operation Vengeance (videos on my Facebook) by Apt 55 (holla)
SW is the Best by Joel Shepherd
Hubcaps by I still don't know who did that
Stealing Charity's Chocolate Milk by Coy Jackson
Joel's Boxer Short Scavenger Hunt by Your's Truly

This year, I'm thinking something a little different... Flash Mobs. Expect some footage of random pillowfights or ninja dances in awkwardly public places like University Mall.

I'd also like to introduce a bit more linguistic Ju-Jitsu with "Garbageable." That old dress? Garbageable. PL SC 328 Homework? Garbageable. That one girl fwho dumped me last summer? Garbageable. No, I'm not bitter at all about that.

Garbageable brought to you by Melissa Andrew, and generous contributions from viewers like you.