Saturday, August 21, 2010

Risky Business

A seemingly harmless playground...?




Never play on a playground when there is no playguard on duty, kids. It's just common sense.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Wherefore art tho, Tracball?

Oh how I miss thee, Tracball.

Would Tracball called by any other name be as satisfying?

Only if we called it "Bodagget."

One day I'll be back in Provo, playing the game I was made for... Oh Tracball...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Quotable Quotes and HELLDAC Timeline

I mean really though, there were so many quotes. Here are just the ones I could remember:

"Hang it up."


"It's all about delivery."


"Up & at 'em!"


"Where all friends till someone drops the F-word." (FIREGUARD)




"You nasty. You Skookum nasty."

And as for the timeline, this is what I have compiled. Dates may not be exact, and this list is by no means complete:

Day 2: Your mom jokes
Day 3: Already telling knock knock jokes
Day 4: Females start saying "That's what she said."
Day 6: Quillen Sleeping in the Cattle Car
Day 8: Gas Gas Gas/Black Six (Hawkins' call sign at the gas site)
Day 9: Surprise Fireguard
Day 10: Late-night philosophy Discussions
Day 15: MRE Stock Exchange
Day 16: Hang it up
Day 18: "F" Word
Day 20: Negative Spot Report Rampage
Day 21: Up & at 'em!
Day 24: Scooby Snacks do NOT make it all better
Day 25-29: All I remember is loose talk about hanging it up for life and endless monotony. Oh yeah and that one kid wouldn't walk across the beam at the water confidence course. We waited over two hours for him to fail. Awesome.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Holy crap... It's August

And then... it was August. Where did July go?

OH YEAH... HELLDAC. More commonly known as LDAC. I'd rather not relive the experience by writing about it. Just know that it was an excruciatingly long 29 days made bearable by some incredibly worthwhile people (4th Platoon you know who I'm talking about).

Nevermind that everyone except me is looking the wrong way.

And even though I missed my flight coming home and had to spend the night in Seattle, some good came of it: THE HTC EVO 4G FROM SPRINT SUCKERS!!! Behold it's beauty. I could go on all day about how fricken cool it is, and how it's features are light years ahead of the competition, but I think this one feature pretty much sums it up:


And if you'd like to compare, here's a little something to chew on:

Notice that the overall sexy-factor of the Evo trumps that of the iPhone. I didn't believe it could be done either.

Oh iPhone, you were my first love. I daydreamed about you like Chuck Norris daydreams about roundhousing fools to the face for fun. You always inspired awesome aliteration actively from afar via your alluring aura. But alas, I have found my true love. And though you will remain in my heart as my first crush, I am now with the one I was meant to be with. So good bye, LDAC and all of your suck; hello EVO and happily ever after.

It's a good start to August.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Apollo is My God of the Day

I used to make fun of civilizations that worshipped the Sun. "You silly heathens," I'd say, "The Sun is clearly an inanimate object. Why would you worship it?"

Then today the Sun broke through for the first time in days. It's the middle of April, the last day of school, and still the whole day feels like a bad episode of Glee: something that should be fulfilling and wonderful but comes up short and feeling disappointing. This could be due to the fact that I stayed up all night trying to write a paper (unsuccessfully, I might add, as I kept getting distracted by much more fun things like video games), or perhaps it was due to the fact that there was MFING SNOW ON THE MFING GROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF MFING APRIL.

In any case, my gloomy, grumpy mood was INSTANTLY transformed into a happy, can't-get-me-down type mood that lasted throughout my entire next class. I left my class to find that the clouds and snow had conquered the mountain sky once again, and felt the that wonderful feeling evaporate like... water. Or something that evaporates suddenly. Come back Sun, we love you.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


So in my PL SC 378: International Conflict, my flaming liberal, left-leaning pacifist professor was going off about how terrible war is, and how "we do all of these evil things hoping to do good. Sometimes to do good, you have to do evil." Now, it might have been the semi-rebellious mood I was in, or the sick pleasure I find in playing devil's advocate at times, but for whatever reason, my mind vehemently rejected this idea like my stomach rejected that Army jumbalaya I had last summer.

The crux of this train of thought I found myself in, was the question: can one do good (morally and justly speaking) while doing something evil? In my mind, that was like saying that to be round, you have to be square. It didn't compute. There was some serious semantical issue that had yet to be tackled with this phraseology; and I intended to tackle it.

After thinking about it a bit, I came to a rather radical conclusion: there is no such thing as an inherently "evil" or "good" action. Humor me, if you will.

Take Moroni 7:8, which says:

For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it begrudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God.
Right there, Mormon tells us that if you give a gift with an evil or grudging heart, it counts for nothing. Even if you donated a billion dollars to homelessness, if you do it with an ulterior motive or a grudging heart or some evil design, you have not done good.

It is important to separate WHAT YOU HAVE DONE from THE CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. Of course, the consequences of you giving one billion dollars are wonderfully good. But you yourself have not done good. Rather, the consequences of your actions are good, not what you actually did.

Likewise, taking a human life is all over the place on people's good/bad-o-meter. This is because of the intention behind it, much like our giving a billion dollars to homelessness case. If you take a life with evil intentions, you have done evil. If you take a life with good intentions (defense of an innocent, etc) than you have not done any evil. Remember that I'm talking about WHAT YOUV"E DONE and not what the consequences are. The consequence of taking a human life are tragic. However, "evil" is determined in the intention, not the act.

In fact, Mormon says it straight out in verse six:
For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good.
The point here is that you cannot "do evil to do good." You can only do good to do good and evil to do evil. The CONSEQUENCES of your action may be totally irrelevant to how good/evil your intents are. I may do something so evil that has good consequences for SOMEONE, but that doesn't mean that I've done "good." Evil is evil, and good is good.

The real problem here, is semantics and the English language. Our language is so confusing that we have trouble understanding the real ideas behind what people are trying to say. I totally understand what my professor was saying: war is full of terrible things but we do it hoping that some good comes of it. But the phrase, " we do evil in order to to do good" does not follow logically or semantically. Good and evil are all in intentions, not actual acts. Thats why at the last day we'll be judged for our intentions, not solely what we did.

This brings up one more point:

The only act that could be called "inherently evil" or "inherently good" would be an act that had absolutely no other motive than "evil" or "good" respectively. Taking human life doesn't satisfy this criteria because you could take a human life in defense of your three year old sister. In fact, I am hard pressed to come up with any action at all that could satisfy this criteria. I cannot think of single "inherently good" or "inherently evil" action. Maybe I just haven't thought through it enough yet.
I am sure there was more I wanted to say about this topic, but as Microsoft WORD crashed on me like the dependable word-processor it is, this is all I could salvage/remember. That's why you post stuff on your blog as soon as it happens and not a couple months later.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

It's March

You know how I know it's March? Because I haven't been on a date in a year and suddenly my teaching pool is full if ya know what I mean. Lots of potential investigators wink wink nudge nudge.

In other news, Gangsta Season '10 blew chunks. Let's just leave it at that. Nothing happened. Lame.

And finally, because this is me making habits: I wrote the Good vs Bad thing again... and I swear that Fate is conspiring against me. It's not even that good, but all this hype makes it feel like the Modern Warfare 2 release all over again. It'll be here one day. Some day... Any day now...

Monday, February 22, 2010

I blame microSOFT

...for lots of things, but I've been trying to post that philosophical treatise on good vs evil for an entire month now. It's a doozy. Every time I get it close to being done, something happens like Word doesn't save the file correctly, or crashes, or my OS stops working (nevermind that its not exactly genuine).

And seriously, all those kids starving in Africa? microSOFT's fault. The Somalian Pirates? microSOFT. Terrorists in the miDDle East? microSOFT.

Long live Apple.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what's going on, or is possibly a cry for help.
Mary is: "wondering if it is all worth it"
Mark is: "thinking that was a bad idea"

"Have you talked to Mark? He's vaguebooking again. I wonder if he's back with Mary..."

Tammy is: "in line at the grocery store"
This edition of Linguistic Ju-Jitsu brought you courtesy of

And as a side note, Linguistic Ju-Jitsu is not just common street slang. It's not hip-talk or coolspeech, although hip-talk and coolspeech are themselves examples of Linguistic Ju-Jitsu. Linguistic Ju-Jitsu is wordsmashing and semantic copulation. It's the combining of words to make betterwords. It's an attempt to straighten out the English language's inexplicable desire to confuse people by having the same word mean seven different things.
Just wanted to clear that up.

Monday, February 1, 2010

"I don't care WHAT season it is!!"

It's that time of year again. The time of year where nothing is off limits. The time of year when things like your hubcaps and left shoes go missing; the time of year when things show up, like a truckload of newspaper clippings; the time of year when things just happen like stealing Charity's chocolate milk. It's prank season; it's Gangsta Season '10. And it's about time.
Gangsta Season Hall of Famers:

Operation Vengeance (videos on my Facebook) by Apt 55 (holla)
SW is the Best by Joel Shepherd
Hubcaps by I still don't know who did that
Stealing Charity's Chocolate Milk by Coy Jackson
Joel's Boxer Short Scavenger Hunt by Your's Truly

This year, I'm thinking something a little different... Flash Mobs. Expect some footage of random pillowfights or ninja dances in awkwardly public places like University Mall.

I'd also like to introduce a bit more linguistic Ju-Jitsu with "Garbageable." That old dress? Garbageable. PL SC 328 Homework? Garbageable. That one girl fwho dumped me last summer? Garbageable. No, I'm not bitter at all about that.

Garbageable brought to you by Melissa Andrew, and generous contributions from viewers like you.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Verbal Spillage

V er b a l S p i l l a g e is when you have so much to say that you just can't keep it in any longer. It's word vomit. It's a technicolor yawn of nouns and pronouns, subjects and predicates, conditional tenses and subjective conjugations. You can't stop. It's got to come out. It might be on PAPER. It might be VOCALLY to a neighbor who just happens to get caught in the blast. Maybe its MICROSOFT WORD THEY OWN EVERYTHING. Whatever it is, you've got to get it out. Expect some V er b a l S p i l l a g e to come shortly. I found some from back in they day on Love and just wrote one about good and evil. Stay tuned. This is me making habits.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


This edition of Linguistic Ju-Jitsu brought to you by Lindsey SciFi Baker, and viewers like you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Scared Textless

You know, that moment during a conversation of text when you just don't know what to say? You're not sure if you will be misinterpreted or misconstrued, if the sarcasm will be mistaken for seriousness; if the joke will sound like too much affection... You finally decide that it's best just not to respond.

You're scared textless.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Example Linguistic Ju-Jitsu

Here is a great example of green-belt level Linguistic JuJitsu:

Pronunciation: \in-ˈtər ˈdi-jət ˈtā-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Linguistic Ju-Jitsu from Middle English enteren inter and digits from Latin digitus finger, toe; perhaps akin to Greek deiknynai to show
Date: 21st century
: interlocking fingers (while holding hands)

Thanks to Kelsey Hotmomma Williams for this one.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Linguistic Ju-Jitsu

My vernacular dexterity has evolved into an audacious and avant-guarde style of communication that is sure to be a new-age hit and a running theme of the Skyblog. I call it: Linguistic Ju-Jitsu. It's combing words in ways unheard of. It's creating new words that should exist but don't. It's the Excalibur of English. The Mjolnir's Hammer of grammar. The lightsaber of modern phraseology. It's Linguistic Ju-Jitsu. Learn it. Love it. Live it. Bruce Lee would be on board; you should be, too.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Me Making Habits

I know that I, like some of my friends, think thoughts and write things. It's just that every time I sit down to blog, I get this mental constapation that chocolate milk fails to cure.

So until that moment of blessed relief comes spraying onto my blog, this is me making habits. You were there. You were there when I was making blogging a habit. Welcome to habit forming. Feel free to indulge me.